Saturday, May 8, 2010

The End of This Blog

This was fun while it lasted, but it never interested those that it was intended for so it must end now. I have no reason to believe that anyone actually ever read any of the posts and that means I should just move on to my other projects.


Friday, April 30, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Friday, April 30, 2010

I liked Jerry Crowe today. He mostly just dropped a bunch of trivia that he found online instead of offering any kind of opinion or commentary, but at least his column was interesting.

Mike Bresnahan wasted a ton of ink to report that the crowd in Oklahoma City is loud, and Mark Heisler wasted a ton of ink to report that the Thunder’s Serge Ibaka is talented.

Sometimes it seems like all the writers at the Times come to work hung over and and just puke out a few stories before calling it a day.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Thursday, April 29, 2010

My biggest complaint about the sports writers at The Los Angeles Times is that they have such a major lack of objectivity about local teams, especially the Lakers. These are really talented writers working for one of the biggest newspapers in America, but they rarely report on anything without sounding like starstruck kids. After the Lakers win they treat them like the greatest team to ever step on the hardwood. After a loss, they completely overreact and predict doom. Maybe it is a mandate from their editor to play the extremes, but it is idiotic.

The one person that I can usually count on to write like a normal, objective person is Mark Heisler. He has been consistently great, but today I opened the paper and found that Heisler has become Bill Plaschke.

I don’t know what happened to him, but he made the uncharacteristic choice to write fluff. He starts with this headline – “Kobe Bryant never ceases to amaze”, then goes on to write stuff like:

“he has undeniable attributes beyond his rarely seen skill level and never-before-seen commitment.”

"He's all heart, to a fault.”

“in Lakerdom, or Kobedom, the wonders never cease.”

Good gravy! Why don't you just ask Kobe to marry you already, Heisler.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Predictably, Bill Plaschke has returned from him slumber to slobber all over his keyboard while professing the Lakers to be sent from the basketball heavens once again. He used the words “impressive” and “inspiring” in referring to the Lakers, the team he forgot was expected to sweep through this series, but now needed an “inspired performance” to win.

He pointed to - "a potential Game 7 at home tucked safely in their pocket", as though there is no possible way the Thunder could win such a game. It is the kind of boasting that comes from the Lakers fans that work for the LA Times. Then he offered the typically overconfident statement - "Instead of worrying about a summer implosion, the Lakers can now think about a spring fling." Plaschke has named his team as the repeat champions after a big win in game 5 of a first round series against an inferior opponent. Inspiring.

Then, suddenly, Plaschke admits that the Lakers get favorable calls from the referees, writing – “It was as if Jackson knew that Bryant and his mates would ravage the Thunder, and the officials would let them.” I am sick and tired of everyone, Lakers and writers, obsessing about officiating, but he may have a point here.

So, according to Plaschke and his column in the Times today, The Lakers are going to win this series, then easily advance to the Conference Finals, and finally win the NBA title. That’s what you get from him after a win. After a loss, well, he’s much quieter, and that’s the Plaschke I prefer.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Nothing in the sports page today. Everything has gone quiet while all of the writers hold their breath and wait for their beloved Lakers to get the momentum back from the pesky Oklahoma City Thunder. As soon as that happens, probably tonight, The Los Angeles Times sports section will resume with their worship of the spoiled, unfriendly local basketball club and they will use words like courageous and brave to describe Kobe Bryant, who is talented and tenacious, but not really courageous or brave.

Monday, April 26, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Monday, April 26, 2010

The best thing in the sports page today came from boxing writer Lance Pugmire. In fact, it seems as though every time he has an article in the paper, it is the better than everything else. Today he writes about Shane Mosley and his confidence leading up to his big fight with undefeated champion – Floyd Mayweather, Jr.

I love Mosley. He was a great champion and was involved in some of the best fights of the last 15 years. He continues to insist that he and his trainer have devised a plan to defeat his opponent and it is probably true that he knows the best way to attack Mayweather, but it won’t work. Mosley is 38, five years older than Mayweather, and he has taken numerous beatings while Mayweather rarely even gets hit. Mayweather is younger, faster, and better in every way.

It will take a heroic effort similar to that of Muhammad Ali against Gerorge Foreman for Mosley to pull this off. He might need to get the speedy, elusive champion into a flatfooted punching contest and then hope to land a lucky shot to win this thing. I will be rooting for Sugar Shane, but I’m not holding much hope for him to win.

LAT Sports Review - Sunday, April 25, 2010

If T.J. Simers is this distraught over the Lakers losing two in a row in Oklahoma City then Bill Plaschke must be near suicidal by now.

He says that their fans are better than those in Los Angeles, louder and not so worried about being cool. I wonder if the newspaper columnists are better there too.

After another terrible game by Kobe Bryant, just 12 points, Simers asks the legitimate question – “was this one of his patented snits after being criticized by folks for shooting too much -- showing everyone what it's like when he doesn't shoot.” It certainly seems that way. Bryant has done this before. His massive ego gets shaken whenever the media, especially the ones from The Los Angeles Times, who so often over-praise the moody star, criticizes him. In game three he stopped passing the ball and fired up numerous bad 3-pointers. Writers like Simers jumped on him for that, and in response, Bryant decided to not shoot at all in game 4, or so it seems. If it’s true, it is more evidence that he will always be immature, and narcissistic, and hard to like.

Later, Simers strangely calls Phil Jackson a “rebel” and “anti-establishment”. What? Jackson played for the famous New York Knicks when they were still relevant, then coached Michael Jordan’s corporate reign of terror in Chicago, and finally moved to Los Angeles to eat sushi with a billionaire’s Playboy-posing daughter and coach the evil Lakers. He’s not anti-establishment. He is the establishment. He is the machine that people rage against.

I love it when inferior basketball teams challenge The Lakers during the playoffs. Not only does it make their coach and star player act like whining cry-babies, it also makes the writers of The Los Angeles Times Sports section dive head first into hyperbole while they morn the loss of their favorite team before it ever happens.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Saturday, April 24, 2010

T.J. Simers is disappointed with Lamar Odom. He admits that he really likes the Lakers player, saying that in the eleven years he’s known him Odom has always been a great guy. I respect that, but then he said that Odom has extraordinary talent but isn’t living up to it now, and he lost me. Is he wondering when Odom became mediocre? The answer is: when he was traded away from Miami in 2004.

Odom has always been a difficult player to evaluate. He appears to be a perpetual underachiever, but his numbers have been respectable with 14.6 PPG and 8.9 RPG. Somehow, it always seems better for an overachiever to average 15 points a game than for an underachiever to average 15 points a game. But Simers is correct. Odom seems disinterested right now and his team is really suffering because of that.

Friday, April 23, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Friday, April 23, 2010

Bill Plaschke came with great coverage of the Lakers-Thunder series. I will not be referring to him as a Lakers cheerleader today, because he rips the Lakers, and specifically Kobe Bryant, for playing a sloppy and selfish game. The result was a 101-96 victory for Oklahoma City and a massive dose of confidence for the young team. I love that Plaschke is so perturbed with Bryant for not passing the ball in the fourth quarter, because even though he is the greatest clutch shooter in the game today, his team is not great when they stand around watching him shoot long-range jumpers.

Plaschke even resisted the temptation to fall for Phil Jackson’s finger pointing. He mentioned that Jackson was surprised that Bryant did not attempt one free throw, then he correctly reminded us that Kobe gets to the line when he drives to the basket, but on Thursday night he settled for jumpers, taking 11 3-pointers (making only 4.)

I would like to add that it’s easy to put all of the blame on Kobe, but Jackson should be blamed too. He gets a ton of credit when they win, and he should not escape blame when they lose.

Nice job today, Plaschke!

T.J. Simers was entertaining today. I don't agree with his premise, but it was entertaining, nonetheless. His beef was with NBA Commisioner David Stern, who is sick and tired of Phil Jackson whining and behaving like a pompous ass. Stern accused Jackson of not respecting the game. Simers accused Stern of not respecting Jackson. And I accuse Simers of being an unfunny oaf. Only an oaf would quote Khloe Kardashian-Odom in his column.

He goes on to accuse Stern of overreacting when he fined Jackson $35k for suggesting that Kevin Durant gets favorable calls. But it was a fair and just penalty. There is precedent that tells owners, coaches, and players that if you use the media to accuse the NBA of supporting any conspiracies you will be fined. He needed to tell Jackson that he can’t slander the integrity of this league, which has been so very good to Jackson for so many years, without expecting a punishment. 

When it was first revealed that baseball had a serious problem with steroid use, too many of its insiders came forward and exposed its own cheating. That ruined the the credibility of the league, at least a little bit, forever. Everyone in baseball should have stopped talking to the media about it while the commissioner and his team cleaned up the problem behind the scenes. It would have saved their brand. Stern will not allow the same thing to happen with the perceived officiating "conspiracy" in basketball. A few years ago a NBA referee was exposed as a cheater. It was a nightmare for Stern, but it would only get worse if he allowed people like Jackson accuse the league of being corrupt whenever things did not go his way. Stern is absolutely doing the right thing by telling everyone that they will promote the league or they should find other employment. He won't let the NBA become MLB.

Oh, Simers, even when you are on the wrong side of a topic and fill your article with goofy references and corny jokes, you still make me happy. I’m not sure why. I just think that crazy people are entertaining.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Thursday, April 22, 2010

I assume that The Los Angeles Times pays Jerry Crowe for his “Text messages from press row …” column, and yet he still fills it with lots of obvious statements like – “Dwyane Wade needs help in Miami”, and “Eric Gagne: Career over.” It’s all very frustrating because Crowe is a talented and clever writer, but he thinks that his readers are stupid and uninformed. I agree that most sports fans are borderline retarded, but the really dumb ones do not read the newspaper. In fact, they don’t read anything, ever. Maybe Crowe should just focus on the civilized sports fan that still subscribes to and reads the printed page during the last days of its existence. It’s okay, Jerry. You can step it up now.

Sam Farmer offered his NFL Mock Draft today and it is very good. I have read a ton of mocks this week and I do not expect anyone to be correct on every pick, I just want every pick to make sense. Farmer did a great job with his.

FYI: I still think that all the teams in the second half of the first round that pass over Notre Dame wide receiver Golden Tate will regret it. I watched almost every Fighting Irish game the last couple of years and they did not win as many games as they should have, but they would have won even fewer without the heroics of this great player. He will be as good as a rookie next year as Percy Harvin was for the Vikings last year.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

2010 NFL Draft Schedule

Here is the schedule for the 3-day NFL Draft:

4:30-8:00 PM PST - Thursday, April 22, 2010 on ESPN

4:00-7:30 PM PST - Friday, April 23, 2010 on ESPN2

7:00 AM-2:00 PM PST - Saturday, April 24, 2010 on ESPN

LAT Sports Review - Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Bill Plaschke is not happy with the Lakers, because for homers like Plaschke, winning a close game to an inferior opponent is cause for dread. If they would have won by double digits he would have called them brave and inspirational, but they only won by three, so he called them aging and inattentive. I can’t stand The Lakers, these spoiled darlings of Los Angeles, but I admit that it must be annoying for them to read how the Los Angeles Times columnist are almost inappropriately smitten with them after each big win and then become angry villagers chasing them with torches after each loss … or even a narrow victory.

Plaschke asks in this article –“Who are these guys?” – implying that he is confused with their inconsistency. I ask that same question as I read the Los Angeles Times sports page every morning.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Not much in the paper for me today. Jerry Crowe writes about hockey, which I have no patience for, and Bill Dwyre writes about a horse racing jockey named Joe Talamo, who I just don’t care about. Mark Heisler and Mike Bresnahan competently cover the NBA Finals, which I love, but more specifically, they cover The Lakers, who I do not love or root for.

The most interesting sports story to happen this week is the sad saga of boxer Edwin Valero. He had a host of personal problems before he murdered his wife and then committed suicide in a jail cell a day later. Valero was extraordinary in the ring. He was 27-0 with all 27 wins by knockout and 19 by first round knockout. In February I watched him defeat Antonio DeMarco in a very entertaining fight and I wondered if he was the best fighter in the world. He appeared unbeatable. It is a terrible tragedy that he was so unstable and ended the life of the mother of his children. This story deserved more attention than a small capsule on page 6.

Dwyre and Plaschke

I finally heard from a few Times writers and they did not have the same reaction to this blog.

Bill Dwyre emailed me and he was very nice. He has a great sense of humor and he understands that much of the blog is meant as satire, but it is also a tribute. I love the sports writers at the Los Angeles Times, even the slightly retarded Bill Plaschke.

And speaking of Plaschke, he sent a hard-to-decipher direct message to my Twitter account and I think he has declared war on me, which is so great if it’s true. I wanted to respond to his message but Twitter will not let you respond to someone that isn’t following you.

I understand if he is upset because I compared him to Sloth from The Goonies, but I’m sure that if he had read any of the posts he would have found that I say plenty of nice things about him. Anyway, I really hope that the famous sports writer tries to engage in a war of words with me. My friends would find that to be hilarious and it would get this blog cooking with gas.

Monday, April 19, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Monday, April 19, 2010

Bill Dwyre, my new favorite Times writer, gave us a solid story about Chris Arreola, the blubbery heavyweight boxer that is easy to root for. According to Dwyre, Arreola has dropped a few pounds (although I have heard that before and he always looks really doughy) for his upcoming fight against a lighter opponent on Saturday. He explains that this huge, scary-looking man is actually a genuinely nice guy who says what he feels, unfiltered, as he proved when he unleashed a flurry of F-bombs into HBO microphones after getting his ass kicked by Vitali Klitchko. It should be noted that he was sobbing and cursing in despair rather than anger. That may not seem like a difference, but it shows that he may punch other men in the face for a living, but he is a uniquely emotional person. I will be rooting for Arreola again this week when he fights Tomasz Adamek in Ontario.

LAT Sports Review - Sunday, April 18, 2010

Bill Plaschke leads off with an article complaining that not everything is perfect with the Dodgers. There aren’t enough fans or a strong enough lineup for him. It is true that they were humiliated 9-0 by the San Francisco Giants the day before, but this is really an example of how the perennial success of The Lakers has spoiled the expectations of people like Plaschke for all other local sports teams. The Dodgers will be fine. They are 5-6 to start the absurdly long baseball season and the fans will come out when it feels like baseball time again, in about a month. By that time Plaschke will either be calling the Lakers the greatest team in NBA history or the biggest flop (neither statement will be true) and the Dodgers and their fans will have caught up. Man, some people really overreact.

T.J. Simers wrote an interesting column about famous NFL bust – Ryan Leaf. There is nothing I loath more than a celebrity that screws up over and over again and acts like such a dick that we just stop caring about him, only to come back with a bunch of excuses that were pounded into his head through therapy or incarceration after discovering that he is no longer famous, but this isn’t that story. Leaf was an idiot of epic proportions. People now scoff that there was a debate over whether Leaf or Peyton Manning was the best quarterback before the 1998 draft, but they forget that while both had success leading big programs to victory, Lead was taller, more athletic, and had a stronger arm. It was a legitimate debate. If Leaf was a knucklehead back then, everyone kept it a secret. He went on to embarrass his teams, his family, and himself numerous times, until he was out of the league, hooked on painkillers and with an arrest record. It was a Marinovich-like waste of talent.

So, this redemption story would be total bullshit if Simers had not been able to get something completely unexpected out of it. But he did, he got a self-deprecating, open, and (gulp!) mature Leaf. It was a good column and a good story because he will never be famous again unless he does something terrible, and seems to understand that and he finally seems comfortable in his own skin.

I really like reading Sam Farmer’s thoughts on the NFL Draft. He is reasonable more often than not, which is really impressive considering that most football “experts” are really just huffing and puffing about who is a can’t miss prospect and who is sure to fail. Today he writes about the strength of the Offensive Tackle position in this year’s draft. I like Trent Williams of Oklahoma more than the rest, but I agree that there is exceptional depth in this class. 

Sunday, April 18, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Saturday, April 17, 2010

It’s Mark Heisler’s show this time of year. It is too early to care about baseball, and it’s never a good time to care about hockey, so the NBA rules and Heisler is the man to tell us why.

He starts by praising Kevin Durant for becoming so dominating so early in his career, then makes a great point about the alarmist hype that comes from people like Matt Taibbi and Colin Cowherd.

In trying to say that Durant’s game is hard to describe, he almost dismisses Michael Jordan as just a better version of past players, writing – “he was the latest in the line that gores back to Julius Irving and (Elgin) Baylor.” I am very uncomfortable with anything that sounds like - “Jordan was great, but…”

Heisler was three quarters through his article before he reintroduced the already tired accusations from Kevin Garnett and Phil Jackson that Durant gets favorable calls from the refs. Those claims are not true. They were made by two assholes. If a couple nice guys like Steve Nash and Rick Adelman would have made those charges I would listen.

For the record, I was one of those people that insisted that Portland should draft Greg Oden over Durant in the 2007 NBA Draft. I called Oden the next big star in the league and compared Durant to a skinny Glenn Robinson. Oops!

Friday, April 16, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Friday, April 16, 2010

Bill Plaschke continues to insist that his man-crush, Phil Jackson, has played a brilliant mind game and has turned Oklahoma City star Kevin Durant into a quivering mass of insecurity before the Thunder and Lakers have even played a single game. I continue to insist that Jackson may have been playing a mind game by saying that Durant get all the calls from the referees, but he was also being the crabby old man he usually is this time of year.

Plaschke goes on to imply that Jackson single-handedly defeated the Sacramento Kings a few years back when he called Sacramento a “cow town”. Perhaps the Lakers won the series because Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant got all of the calls from the referees. Now that is ironic. And who is Phil Jackson to call the capitol of California a cow town? He’s from Deer Lodge, Montana … an actual cow town.

Jerry Crowe was good today. It was nice to see any writer from Los Angeles giving Durant some credit without tethering Jackson’s whiny comments to the compliment. Crowe brought up Kobe Bryant’s 81-point game, which was awesome, but how come nobody ever calls out Jalen Rose, who was “defending” Bryant that night? It has to be one of the worst performances in NBA history. I really liked that he referenced Max Zaslofsky, a former scoring champ and rare Jewish player in the NBA. Nice! Crowe also wonders what Jerry Jones has against Tim Tebow. Maybe I missed part of the secret tape, but I didn’t think what Jones said about Tebow was so bad. He doesn’t think the kid will make it in the NFL. That’s not mean, and that is very likely the truth. My guess is that Tebow will be an assistant coach at the University of Florida three years from now.

The wonderful Diane Pucin writes about the blabbermouths covering the NBA for TNT and ESPN. She quotes Kevin Harlan as saying – “Dallas has played great after its trades. It could be a tough matchup [Steve] Nash versus [Derek] Fisher.” Doesn’t Steve Nash play for Phoenix?

Lisa Dillman tells us that the Clippers have fired interim head coach Kim Hughes. Yeah, that should fix all of their problems. As an NBA fan in Los Angeles that doesn’t particularly care for the Lakers, I hold out hope before each season that the Clippers will finally become competitive. You would think that a team that has a lottery pick every single year would eventually get good, but they never do. They are NOT going to land LeBron James this summer, so I suggest they focus on signing Chris Bosh instead. Also, they need a legitimate coach with the personality to lead a quick turnaround, maybe Avery Johnson?  Then, they should get rid of the moody Baron Davis, either make Eric Gordon the point guard or find one in the draft, change their uniform colors to separate themselves from their awful past, and replace everyone in the front offices. There are a bunch of good teams in the NBA that were once bad teams. The Clippers aren’t cursed, they are incompetent and that can be fixed.

Mark Heisler made his NBA first round playoff picks and I agree with all of them except that I think Miami will upset Boston. The Celtics are not focused and they have too many conflicting agendas to get them through a real challenge at this time.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Thursday, April 15, 2010

The guys are really showing their age today. Jerry Crowe writes about Elgin Baylor (age 75) and Sandy Koufax (age 74) in his column before criticizing Ben Rothlisberger by quoting the song "Kiss" by Prince from 1986. It’s actually a smart reference, but there had to be something more recent than that.

Then, Chris Erskine littered his weird little article with references that show he is very clever, but painfully unfamiliar with modern pop culture. He makes acceptable citations to Vermeer and F. Scott Fitzgerald, then makes fun of the moniker of super current hip hop star –, saying that he has “a name that annoys virtually everyone”. Way to connect with young people, Chris.

He goes on to call Robert Wuhl a “great actor” and a “star”, citing Arliss (1996-2002) and Bull Durham (1988) as the reasons why thinks Wuhl is still a star. Later, he compares his game notes to George Costanza’s wallet, referring to a 1992 episode of Seinfeld, and ends with a quote by Archie Bunker (1971-1983).

Thank God that nobody under the age of 50 reads The Los Angeles Times.

LAT Sports Review - Wednesday, April 13, 2010

T.J. Simers is relatively subdued today, writing a vanilla article about what a good baseball player Matt Kemp is. He usually only puts about 50% effort into his writing, today he gave about 25%. Maybe he was distracted by all of Phil Jackson’s whining.

Mike Bresnahan writes about how Jackson is playing “mind games” by announcing that Kevin Durant, who will give the Lakers headaches in their first round match-up, gets favorable calls from the referees. I have two problems with this idea that Jackson is a genius manipulator who is already changing the series by griping through the media. First, it is hilariously hypocritical for Jackson to complain that a star gets beneficial calls considering that he coached Michael Jordan and Shaquille O’Neal. Both were virtually unguardable during their primes because defenders would get called for a foul if they even looked at them wrong. In fact, some people outside of Los Angeles would say that the game was briefly ruined during the time that O’Neal was allowed to bowl over people without getting called for an offensive foul. Also, is it possible that everyone is assuming that Jackson is playing this brilliant mind game when he may just be preemptively griping in case things go poorly for his team, which is heavily favored? With the exception of a brief period when Jordan played baseball, Jackson has never coached a team that didn’t have the best player in the NBA, he has received unwavering man-love from the media (mostly by Bill Plaschke), and he has gotten a pass for being such a constant complainer for so very long. Why would he play a mind game against a player from a team the Lakers could probably sweep even without Kobe Bryant? Maybe it’s not strategy. Maybe it’s just Jackson being a dick again.

Oh, and I wish everyone would stop using the word “Zen” to refer to Jackson. He’s not Zen in any way, at least not in public. Zen refers to a sense of calm and contemplation. Jackson is cantankerous, spoiled, and intimidating. This is another case of sports writers being entirely unoriginal. Somebody started calling him Zen Master a long time ago, when perhaps it was a more accurate nickname, and all of the fat, coffee-stained reporters adopted it and never let it go.

Sometimes I feel sorry for Lisa Dillman. She is a very talented writer, but she is stuck having to write about the stinking Clippers. Today, she covered the stinking Kings of hockey. It could be worse, Lisa. At least you work for the gigantic Los Angeles Times. You could be a blogger with no readers. :-)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I always have conflicting feelings about T.J. Simers. He is consistently unfunny, and like all unfunny people, he is not aware of how unfunny he is. But, he is the only person writing for The Los Angeles Times that will criticize anyone at any time if they really deserve it. Seriously, Bill Plaschke would never have the balls to call out Phil Jackson or Kobe Bryant like Simers does. Of course, Simers isn’t sharing actual opinions. He just thinks he’s being funny, but the truth comes out, nonetheless.

Simers column today takes aim at The Lakers, who deserve every criticism that is thrown in their direction. It would be great if he actually gave a consistent effort again, because even while half-assing it, he still managed to drop great references to Jimmy Chitwood and World B. Free, all while getting under the skin of the famous narcissistic opportunist - Jackson. People like Jackson always hate people like Simers because people like Simers treat sports people they way they should be treated. They get the glory more often than the ire, so it is fair when they are questioned about their faults. Simers asks Jackson why he made such a dumb decision by calling for a potentially game-winning shot to be taken by Pau Gasol instead of Kobe Bryant, and Jackson becomes immediately agitated that anyone in the media would dare question his methods. I love that Simers reserves no hero worship for the Lakers coach and treats him the same as he treats whoever is coaching the lowly Clippers.

Calling out Jackson wasn’t the only bulls-eye for Simers, however. He also scored when he wrote – “I’d like to see every Masters broadcaster hooked up to a machine capable of delivering a massive electrical shock, and each time they say a golfer is “brave”, they get zapped. Let’s see how brave the broadcasters are.” Simers is an asshole, but sometimes you need to listen to an asshole to hear the truth.

Some guy named Lance Pugmire writes about the upcoming Floyd Mayweather, Jr.-Shane Mosley fight … the one that would have been interesting ten years ago. Mosley and his trainer daydream out loud about how they have devised a strategy that will finally solve the puzzle and hand Mayweather his first loss. It would be wonderful if that actually happened, because Mosley is truly likable and Mayweather is an insufferable twit, but it will end in another victory for the champion, who refuses to fight the only person that can beat him - Manny Pacquiao.

Monday, April 12, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Monday, April 12, 2010

Bill Plaschke continues to write about Phil Mickelson winning The Masters, and it is quite good if not slightly maudlin material. You can almost see the stains from Plaschke’s tears as he tiptoes through the story of how Mickelson focused on winning while being distracted by the dark clouds of cancer hovering over his family. I have always criticized Plaschke for his fawning prose and I will again, on another day, but today he is the right person with the right emotional disposition to tell this story. I really liked how he hinted that this tournament benefited greatly by the heartwarming victory of Mickelson and how that is a much better ending than if the surly Tiger Woods would have won his first tournament back.

I have never liked Woods. Long before the embarrassing revelations of his extramarital activities came to light, he was a humorless egomaniac that made professional golf endure the tantrums and intimidation of its best player, a corporate endorsement-fed asshole who offered no respect to the game or its fans that have rewarded him with their loyalty for so long. That’s why it was so strangely satisfying for some of us when the lurid details of his sex scandal came to light. We enjoy watching sports because it offers us an escape from the mundane realities of certain aspects in our lives. So, when a super athlete behaves like a cantankerous rich kid while playing a gentleman’s sport, it makes some of us dislike him and pull for all of the underdogs to win and remind the champion that he is not entitled. We hoped this would humble him. Woods treated his marriage vows with the same disregard that he has always had for those of us that wish the greatest golfer in the world was also a likable guy. He loves winning. He loves being paid. He loves to be loved, but he never has offered much gratitude in return.

So, Plaschke was right, and he wrote it all very nicely. He is a writer known for behaving like a cheerleader for jocks like Woods, so I wonder if he would have been tooting the horn of Woods if he had been victorious rather than calling him out for his loutish behavior, but that is something that will reveal itself when Woods finally wins again. Today, Mickelson is the Masters champion and Plaschke did a nice job writing about it.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

LAT Sports Review - Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Title of Bill Plaschke's column today is - "Phil purrs, while Tiger's all grrr", which means that Editor Mike James either had the day off or approved of a title that sounds like it was written by a third grader.

He writes his article like a love poem to golfer Phil Mickelson, but that's just because Mickelson is ahead (he will win the Masters later on Sunday). Plaschke is actually critical of Tiger Woods today, but we all know that the next time Woods wins a tournament Plaschke will get back down on his knees to greet him. That's just how Plaschke is. He really, really loves a winner.

Jerry Crowe, who seemingly writes his column - "Text messages from press row ..." for mildly retarded people, packed it full of pointless trivia today. At least he is giving an effort for once, although nothing in the column reads like an actual text message.

He says that - "Duke's bashers are more annoying than Duke's fans." That is debatable. Duke's fans (including Dick Vitale and every single member of ESPN's basketball coverage team) are easily the most annoying fans in all of college sports, and they get plenty of air time to annoy us to death.

He ended by writing - "When former porn star and alleged Tiger Woods mistress Joslyn James took the stage at an Atlanta strip club on the opening day of the Masters, she wore a green jacket." Now that sounds like a great text message. Well done, Mr. Crowe!

Mark Heisler, who is the last great writer left at the The Los Angeles Times sports page, compared Kentucky's John Wall to Kobe Bryant in his Coast To Coast article and both Bill Plaschke and Mike Bresnahan got boners by the very suggestion of that. I think that Heisler, like just about everyone else, is overrating Wall and will find that he is a guard tweener in the NBA. But, I hate to question his expertise. He know his basketball. In fact, he once suggested to James Naismith that the game would be better if he removed the bottom of the peach basket, and the rest is history.